I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness and moving forward and all of that. I thought that I was a “forgive but not forget” person, but can you really forgive if you don’t forget? Then I started thinking that maybe I don’t forgive like it think I do. I started thinking about what type of person I am and I usually don’t really believe in zodiac signs but I am a Cancer and my sign is all about emotions. When fighting with a Cancer they won’t really care what you are saying unless you understand where they are coming from. Not just say you understand but really understand. I never had this problem before, I was pretty open minded but now a days I find myself not listening (truly listening) until the other person sees where I am coming from first. Kind of selfish and I need to change that but for now that is how it is. So something to remember if you are fighting with me, understand where I am coming from then I will listen to you and then we can resolve the problem. So back to forgiveness. . . I was goggling when to forgive someone and I came across this answer on Yahoo Answers from some user:
I honestly think forgiveness is earned. If a person who has caused you pain and shows no remorse - if that were me, I would not forgive. I would try and let go as much as possible, but there would be no forgiveness.If they did ask then there would need to be a sit down, a coffee and a long discussion. They would need to know exactly what they are asking forgiveness for and not just be doing themselves a favor to get into your good books. Forgiveness is an understanding of who was hurt and who hurt, an understanding of what went wrong and an honest desire to make everything better.Forgiveness should only be given should that person apologize from the bottom of their heart.
I really agree with this answer. I think that I cannot truly forgive someone until they come to me and say, “Hey, I understand why you are mad, let’s fix this.”
Unfortunately I have realized that I have two people in my life that I have to deal with that I have not really forgiven that I thought I did.
1: James- In high school he put me through some really bad crap, cheating on me (multiple times), getting someone (a supposed friend) pregnant, lying about the life that he was really living doing drugs, not supporting me in my pregnancy, and in general not truly caring about me as a person. Probably the biggest thing though is 2 days before I gave birth he told me he thought i was lying about being pregnant, what a blow to the gut. I feel like a lot of the problems that we have as friends and as parents to Ty are because of what happened between us as “kids.” It is so incredibly frustrating, I think we need counseling. It’s like that expression that there is an elephant in the room. We have like 5 elephants that we have to deal with, but every time I bring something up about what happened, he just avoids the subject. So this has not helped me truly forgive him, because he hasn’t acknowledged what happened in the past.
2: Tori- I guess just everything, the list would be too long to type out, it would take me 5 years. But I am not even going to waist my time with it. Actually, one thing that is beyond the obvious other things, When rumors were around that I was pregnant she had the guts to go around and say that it was because I wanted to get back at her or be like her or even to try and keep James because I was jealous. . . When in reality what happened was she didn’t tell anyone she was pregnant until she was already 3 months. Then I found out literally less then 2 weeks after her, I was already pregnant when she “found out” I just didn’t know yet.
But I have to deal with these two people and not being able to have forgiveness in our relationships is very difficult. I feel sorry for them both, for everything that happened. But I don’t think that these issues are something that easily forgivable or forgettable. I guess it’s just been on my mind lately with the holidays coming.
1 comment:
what I have learned about forgiveness is that sometimes it just needs to be done weather or not your ready to forgive. because beth most situations are that people should not be forgiven. I honestly think true friends and family should never have to be forgiven because they should never been the ones to hurt us in the first place.
I had just turned 16 and I was addicted to all sorts of drugs, had not spoken or even seen my mom in 6 months, ran away from home for a while.. found out I was preg and chris showed me the door.. & before I even walked out of his house, knowing I was preg, on drugs and no place to go, I already forgave him. Because in all reality I bet there are lots of other things in his life that hes done wrong to others. Who was I to think I was any one special ya know?
But I found out this girl ashley who he got preg one month after we split had two of his kids, and both of their kids got taken away by CPS. Due to the lack of will power to quit certain drugs and bad parenting.
I think he has to ask for God for forgiveness on that one.. know what I mean? Its hard for me to ever make my point but, we can not prevent the inevitable.
So to me, to forgive someone, you should do it will a smile on your face because you should know there are many things one should be forgiven for and most of those will be answered by God.
Plus you cant ever control someones actions. Belieive me, I have squinted my eyes shut for a really long time once, and when I opened them back up, I realized nothing changed. Doesn't work that way.
Your a strong girl, and Holidays are always tough... You atleast have a family as for me I spend my Holidays alone. So thats all that should matter this season ya know? And spend the Holidays with people you know you'll never need to "forgive" because those are the friends and family that would never hurt you in the first place.
so PREPARE for Holloween and then its GOBBLE GOBBLE TIME! =]
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