do you remember last year when i wanted a baby more then anything in the world? well now i don't. I have completely changed my mind. Well not completely, but let me explain.
I don't think it would be a good idea to have another kid right now, for lots of reasons but two main ones.
1. James and Katie treat Michael and Tyler differently. they treat Michael better and really favor him more, (I'm not imagining this, they have admitted it to me). And it doesn't bother me because really Michael needs more attention since Tori is a horrible mother. But really James and Katie are only together so they can have a family (baby) together. James' whole goal in life is to have a baby with someone he's married to (he's told this to me) and all Katie has wanted her whole life is to be a stay at home mom. So when their baby comes i know that it will be their number one priority. And i know that Tyler will become less important at his house and kind of at the bottom of the totem poll. I want Tyler to feel like he has a stable, loving family who puts him first and values him. I don't want him to come home from james' and have to "compete" with another sibling for our attention. I'm not saying that just because you have more then one kid that one gets treated better then the other, but i know that is already the case with mike and ty and i know with out a doubt that it will be worse when the other baby comes.
2. I want to have some money. We pay daycare 800 dollars a month, and i want that money to travel, save, spend etc. Not to buy more diapers, daycare, formula etc. We have 2 more months of paying for daycare and i do not want to start over again.
But at the same time i also want to have another kid. I know that Jake and i could handle it, i know that ty will be a great big brother and i just in general want another kid. And the hardest part is that i know that Jake is dying for a kid of "his own." I don't know what will happen in the future but right now i think for Tyler we should be here for him and focus on just him for now.
1 comment:
That is such a hard decision to make. I think you are such a fantastic mother and it's obvious that you love Tyler so much. Luckily, you and Jake are young and there will be plenty of time to have kids in the future, maybe when you have more money and Tyler is old enough that he will actually want to have less of your attention :-) But you're right, he will be such a great big brother.
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