i didn't know kindergarten was going to be this hard. . .

We have had a really hard past 9 days. I had no clue that Tyler going to kindergarten would be this difficult. I read something today in my magazine that people tend to remember the good things when they read/hear about good things first and then the bad, which doesn't make sense to me but i am going to try it so i don't feel like a failure and so that people in internet land will remember the good and not the bad about this blog:

Good:
-Ty started kindergarten!! I am excited for him to go to school, learn, do homework, read, make new friends, etc. It is an exciting (and scary/sad) part of being a parent, getting to see your kid grow up.
- I get to pick ty up from school everyday! i think that has been my longest goal as a parent to be able to pick him up from school, i feel like i have more time and more input in his learning, by getting to talk to him about his day immediately and then coming home and helping with homework. i just feel more involved, so i am grateful i am lucky enough to do that.
- Ty actually got the teacher i wanted him to get, which is awesome, I'm sure the other teachers are great but this one fits ty and his needs.
- (I really wish I could think of more positive things but I can't this sucks..)

Not so good:
-I guess the hardest thing this week is that Tyler is having a lot of problems adjusting. On tue, wed, thur, & fri. Tyler had an 'accident', not at school but at home. Tyler was pretty good at potty training and in the last year he has only had about 3 'accidents' but last week he had 4 in a row (and one about 5 min, ago)! Then he also started to have some behavior issues, not listening, being more immature (i know he is five but that's the only word i can think of), and in general not behaving. I'm not saying that he is an angel all of the time but he has never acted like this before. He has gotten in trouble several times at school already and has been one step away from the principles office and this type of behavior is not like him at all. Yesterday i had a melt down because i was so dumbfounded about his behavior, i mean i am obviously doing something wrong. I feel like i have failed or something. I am trying to be rational and i have a couple rational thoughts about why this may be happening. 1.maybe it's just purely regression and that it is just a phase. It's really common for these things to happen when there is a major change in the childs life (like starting school). 2.James and my parenting styles are not in sync and maybe the inconsistencies cause him to test things at school. But no matter how much i think about it i just come back to "i suck as a mom."
-When i dropped Ty off on his 1st day i cried. Its really important to not cry in front of you kid otherwise they might get stressed out and i prepared for this for almost a month telling myself that i would be strong so Ty could be strong. And i did really really good until the teachers said we couldn't come in the class and had to say bye outside. I was depending on coming in the classroom to say good bye and when they said we couldn't i couldn't hold it in anymore and started crying. I felt like an idiot, but i kept telling ty that i was crying because i was happy and i think it was ok.
- We got a note today saying that the classrooms are too full and that they hired another teacher and Tyler is going to be moved to another class. So now we have to start all over next week with a new teacher and I hope Tyler will be ok with it.

Everything is just really stressful right now and hard.

a lot goin on..

there are a lot of things going on in the next couple of weeks.

First (and most important): in 12 days Tyler will be a kindergartner! I am freaking out about this, i cry every time i think about it. For me going to school is about independence and it really freaks me out a lot. It will be the first time that he is going out to the world, and has to be responsible, for homework, for his behavior, etc. And i feel like how well he does is going to be a reflection of my parenting and his teacher, his friends, his friends parents, they are all going to see ty and judge if i have done a good job so far or not. Also it gives him more freedom. He will pick his own lunch at school, pick friends, and most importantly he will choose whether or not to wonder off of school campus by himself and get kidnapped. He is not going to be trapped in a room at his daycare, he is going to have a recess and be able to get out if he wants. I really think that is the scariest part of kindergarten, knowing he has less boundaries and has to make his own decisions. I just hope that i am bringing him up well enough so that he can make the best decisions.

Second: my parents 50th b-day is in a couple weeks, they were born less then 24 hrs apart and they are both turning 50, which is awesome!

Third: my sister is going to college. i wrote about this earlier, but i am still really upset about it. I am really going to miss her, a lot.

Its going to be an eventful month!

on another note, jake and i just got in the stupidest fight. . . He really likes Science and everyday he keeps up with science news, watches the science channel, reads books etc But he has never taken any college science classes, and i feel like it is because he would rather stay home with me and ty. And i love that, but he is always so selfless and since it is his birthday tomorrow i thought that i would sign him up for a physics class because he would never do it himself even though i know he is interested in it. Well i told him about it and he said he didn't really want to do it, at first he told me because we were too old, which is ridiculous, but then he told me it was because he felt it would be a waste of time. That is when the fight started... apparently he feels that if he is not working towards a degree (which i never said he couldn't, i mean it is up to him and i will support him) then it is useless to take a class. I completely disagree with this. I took a photography class last semester and it had nothing to do with a degree, i am also going to take a philosophy or psychology class this semester because i want to, the subjects interest me. I told jake that it is never useless to take a class on something that interests you, to make you happy, to better yourself, to keep your brain working. But he disagrees... And, to be honest i was completely unfair to Jake because i kind of blew up on him. Earlier today i was telling several co-workers about my plans to take a class this semester and they thought i was crazy too, since i don't plan on getting a degree. So i was already upset about the subject. And both of our families keep telling us that college degrees are so important, when in fact they are not. The only time they are necessary are when they are required (teaching, nursing, etc). I don't understand why everyone thinks that education is just about a degree, it should be about learning. Am i really crazy here??