Since the only people who will probably find/read this are people i know from church, i thought i would start this off with something that has been on my mind recently. I have had a hard time going to church recently, and at first it was because i wanted to spend more time with my family, you don't realize that i have a full time job which means that Ty is in daycare for like 9 1/2 hours Mon-Friday and every-other weekend he is at his dad's so after daycare he is pretty much only awake for 2 hours before it is bed time. and in the morning i only see him for like 1/2 an hour and then i have to go to work. Which is fine, gotta work. But sitting in church for an hour on Sundays in an hour less that i get to see him, because he will go in the nursery, or he will sit with me and run around and we will have to leave early anyways. Then i got to realizing that i started skipping Sundays when i didn't have Ty, because i always feel judged at church and if i go to anything with out Tyler all people ask me is where Ty is. And while i absolutely hate not having Ty on those weekends, James is actually trying to be a good father and Ty needs to spend time with him. So anywho, i didn't go to avoid people judging me, asking me where Ty is and then walking away after i tell them. One of the main reasons why there is such a drop off of 'young adults' in churches is because they feel judged... Then i started thinking that there were even more reasons why i just don't really like going to church...
1: I don't like pastor Gary as a pastor, he is a good person, but i personally feel like when it comes to our church and the other stuff that he has to do besides preach he is kind of rude and doesn't really care.
- There is not much i can do about him, i try and respect him as a person and see where he is coming from, but bottom line he doesn't fit, and my personal opinions are diff. from his.
2: A lot of the 'leaders' in our church i feel are hypocrites.
- Now you may say that nobody is perfect and everyone has faults and sins. Duh. But why do people stand there and constantly say that they need to work on something that they know does not honor God and then 2 years later say they are still working on it and then 3 years later, still working, but really doesn't seem like they are doing anything about it. (the following is not true to my knowledge) Lets say that someone has a problem with drugs, but everything they do is trying to glorify God and they struggle with this problem for years and say they are trying to work on it...blah blah. but then 10 years go by and they still have the problem. But if they never went to rehab or asked someone for help then what was the point in saying that you are trying to change??
On our churches website there is a 'what we believe section' i think its taken directly from the United Methodist website, it says:
"John Wesley and the early Methodists were particularly concerned about inviting people to experience God’s grace and to grow in their knowledge and love of God through disciplined Christian living. They placed primary emphasis on Christian living, on putting faith and love into action. "
This says we need to put our faith into action. I feel like a lot of people are all talk and no 'action.'
3: To go along with the 'all talk thing' i feel like at the same time people are way too focused on what God would want.
-This sounds weird but I feel like people are literally saying, 'I don't know if God wants me to ride my bike to work today.' and that is all they think about all day. I mean come on, God made you with a brain. Yes make good choices, but you already know what God wants with most stuff. I don't know what else to say with this. But i feel like sometimes people really don't know what to do about life and focus too hard about it but really listen to your heart and the answer will come. . . maybe people just need more time to do that then i do.
And just because i was thinking about it...why does it matter if you make the 'wrong' decision? God already knows what is going to happen before it does, he wont be surprised by your choice.
So with these thoughts i have been thinking about this a lot and trying to figure out what i believe. which i have figured is the same thing i always have. . . i personally think that there is a God and almost all the other basic principles of Christianity. I feel that God wants me to be happy, which it says in the bible, but i realize this even more now that i have a child. There is absolutely nothing better in this world then seeing Tyler happy. Since we are Gods children he would probably feel the same way i do about Ty. So why do people stress out so much about whether or not God wants you to ride your bike today? and why do people fool themselves into pretending that they will change for the better but don't even try and they let everyone and there mom down?
I have been doing some research on other religions, because i have always believed that nobody agrees 100% with one religion, and i bet almost everyone can find something they agree with in another religion. I love Taoism, it's really cool. I bought the Tao Te Ching a while ago, it's kind of intense, but wonderful. I think my religion is living life the best that i can.
5 comments:
i have to say, this blog kind of hurt my feelings a little bit, maybe it shouldn't have, but i guess it just made me sad.
i'm not sure who you were referring to as far as hypocrits go within the leadership of the church, i feel that way about a few people who are involved in ministry there and call themselves leaders, but i consider myself a leader in many aspects (with the youth and contemporary worship), and i definitely consider my husband a leader, and if it makes you feel any better, we bust our asses for that church, with little to no reward or change. it is so frustrating to try to spur along change when there are so many 'old people' who don't want it. or people will say, "yeah that sounds good" and then never do anything about it, and when you bring it up again, you get the same response. truthfully, i'm not really sure why we are still there. cross in the desert seems to be a brick wall. be we aren't giving up...
secondly, with the whole 'you have to do what God tells you to do every step of the way' thing, i agree with you. i think God gave us a brain and we need to use it, but i also respect the people who feel that they have to get God's approval for every little thing. i feel like it would be unfair of me to tell someone that's stupid just like it would be unfair to me to tell buddhists i think reincarnation is stupid. i dunno, i think everyone is wired so differently, some people need to believe in God in that way. and if that's what it takes for them to feel connected to God, then fine. but it doesn't mean that i have to be that way.
i hope i don't sound super defensive, i probably do, but you have no idea how many countless tears i have cried over that church and how much blood and sweat and time i have put in there, and mike has worked twice as hard as i have. if you are referring to either one of us in your accusations about leadership i think you are very wrong and do not know us well enough to say any of those things about us. if you are not referring to us, sorry i got defensive. church is a super touchy subject for me i guess because i feel like i have been burned by it so much.
i also really wish you would come to church more so i could get to know you better, i have always thought you were really cool and wanted to get to know you more. i'm sorry if all i ever ask you about is tyler when i see you, i honestly just don't know a whole lot of what's going on in your life, and tyler seems like the best thing to ask you about since you obviously adore him:) anyway, i feel bad about what i wrote before, i still mean what i said, i guess i just hope i didn't come off as mean. i didn't want to at all.
you are funny. if i wanted to talk trash about you, it wouldnt be on the internet where you can find it!! ha! seriously, not talking about you.
I feel the way you do about CITD is a brick wall, thus i am frusterated. Its like when you care about someone/something so much and they are not living up to there potential, and you feel like they are not doing anything about it...then you get mad and want to give up because its too dissapointing to just sit there and watch them fail...that is how i feel...
dude... i totally feel ya. sorry i got all defensive!!!
:)
i totally get why you feel that way.
oh wow, i just realized i was on mike's. oops! this is actually emily! my bad. hah
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