photos photos photos

I was really worried about not taking any pictures for so long but still wasn't feeling motivated. But i knew my sister was coming in town and we had been planning a mini photo shoot for then. I knew i had to get going and practice before she came so i wasn't rusty. So I jumped off of the couch, grabbed my camera, and started taking pictures of anything i could find (which happened to be a whisk) i took a bunch of pictures and then i felt satisfied knowing that i still had my creativity. Then i took pics of my sister and they turned out really good. I was kind of proud of them. Then two days later i took pictures of james' new baby. I was super nervous because i had never taken pictures of a baby before, but they turned out a lot better then i had ever dreamed! They weren't perfect but they were pretty dang good. I was really excited that i did two photo shoots in a row and that they both went well. So i think it is time to move on to the next step, i am going to buy a website and take a lot of pictures for people to 'portfolio build'. But i am really scared for a couple reasons:1: creating a business (which is what i eventually want to do) is very difficult, especially in photography. There are a ton of "photographers" who have businesses and charge people hundreds of dollars to take pictures and they are not that good. They think because they have a good camera and photoshop that they are a photographer and can charge people. But they suck!! I don't want to be one of those people, i don't want to jump too soon and think that i am ready when i am not.

2: I'm nervous about people not liking m

y pictures. Or worse if i work really hard on a shoot and the pictures turn out horrible!

I posted a couple pictures on Facebook and since then i have had several people ask me to take their family pictures, including a stranger. So i am going to do them and see how it goes. . .wish me luck, and have a look at a couple of the pics i took last weekend...

lbjweur

so i wanted to let everyone know who cares that ty is doing one thousand percent better in school. he is back to his 'normal' self and possibly even better then before. So it seems to be that he was just stressed out, and I'm pretty sure it was my fault. A couple days ago ty kept asking me all of these questions about why i was crying the first day and apparently i freaked him out. . . awesome. I knew how important it was to keep calm on the first day of school and be positive but there was nothing i could do about it, I tried my best and that's all i could do.

i really need to start taking pictures again, i think when i did james' wedding it was over kill for me. it was great and an unforgettable experience but i really think it drained me out creativity wise. So i need to just pick up the camera and start taking pictures, i haven't done any photography contests in a while so i will start there. If i want to be good i cant be not taking pictures for months at a time, that is ridiculous.

that is all.

i didn't know kindergarten was going to be this hard. . .

We have had a really hard past 9 days. I had no clue that Tyler going to kindergarten would be this difficult. I read something today in my magazine that people tend to remember the good things when they read/hear about good things first and then the bad, which doesn't make sense to me but i am going to try it so i don't feel like a failure and so that people in internet land will remember the good and not the bad about this blog:

Good:
-Ty started kindergarten!! I am excited for him to go to school, learn, do homework, read, make new friends, etc. It is an exciting (and scary/sad) part of being a parent, getting to see your kid grow up.
- I get to pick ty up from school everyday! i think that has been my longest goal as a parent to be able to pick him up from school, i feel like i have more time and more input in his learning, by getting to talk to him about his day immediately and then coming home and helping with homework. i just feel more involved, so i am grateful i am lucky enough to do that.
- Ty actually got the teacher i wanted him to get, which is awesome, I'm sure the other teachers are great but this one fits ty and his needs.
- (I really wish I could think of more positive things but I can't this sucks..)

Not so good:
-I guess the hardest thing this week is that Tyler is having a lot of problems adjusting. On tue, wed, thur, & fri. Tyler had an 'accident', not at school but at home. Tyler was pretty good at potty training and in the last year he has only had about 3 'accidents' but last week he had 4 in a row (and one about 5 min, ago)! Then he also started to have some behavior issues, not listening, being more immature (i know he is five but that's the only word i can think of), and in general not behaving. I'm not saying that he is an angel all of the time but he has never acted like this before. He has gotten in trouble several times at school already and has been one step away from the principles office and this type of behavior is not like him at all. Yesterday i had a melt down because i was so dumbfounded about his behavior, i mean i am obviously doing something wrong. I feel like i have failed or something. I am trying to be rational and i have a couple rational thoughts about why this may be happening. 1.maybe it's just purely regression and that it is just a phase. It's really common for these things to happen when there is a major change in the childs life (like starting school). 2.James and my parenting styles are not in sync and maybe the inconsistencies cause him to test things at school. But no matter how much i think about it i just come back to "i suck as a mom."
-When i dropped Ty off on his 1st day i cried. Its really important to not cry in front of you kid otherwise they might get stressed out and i prepared for this for almost a month telling myself that i would be strong so Ty could be strong. And i did really really good until the teachers said we couldn't come in the class and had to say bye outside. I was depending on coming in the classroom to say good bye and when they said we couldn't i couldn't hold it in anymore and started crying. I felt like an idiot, but i kept telling ty that i was crying because i was happy and i think it was ok.
- We got a note today saying that the classrooms are too full and that they hired another teacher and Tyler is going to be moved to another class. So now we have to start all over next week with a new teacher and I hope Tyler will be ok with it.

Everything is just really stressful right now and hard.

a lot goin on..

there are a lot of things going on in the next couple of weeks.

First (and most important): in 12 days Tyler will be a kindergartner! I am freaking out about this, i cry every time i think about it. For me going to school is about independence and it really freaks me out a lot. It will be the first time that he is going out to the world, and has to be responsible, for homework, for his behavior, etc. And i feel like how well he does is going to be a reflection of my parenting and his teacher, his friends, his friends parents, they are all going to see ty and judge if i have done a good job so far or not. Also it gives him more freedom. He will pick his own lunch at school, pick friends, and most importantly he will choose whether or not to wonder off of school campus by himself and get kidnapped. He is not going to be trapped in a room at his daycare, he is going to have a recess and be able to get out if he wants. I really think that is the scariest part of kindergarten, knowing he has less boundaries and has to make his own decisions. I just hope that i am bringing him up well enough so that he can make the best decisions.

Second: my parents 50th b-day is in a couple weeks, they were born less then 24 hrs apart and they are both turning 50, which is awesome!

Third: my sister is going to college. i wrote about this earlier, but i am still really upset about it. I am really going to miss her, a lot.

Its going to be an eventful month!

on another note, jake and i just got in the stupidest fight. . . He really likes Science and everyday he keeps up with science news, watches the science channel, reads books etc But he has never taken any college science classes, and i feel like it is because he would rather stay home with me and ty. And i love that, but he is always so selfless and since it is his birthday tomorrow i thought that i would sign him up for a physics class because he would never do it himself even though i know he is interested in it. Well i told him about it and he said he didn't really want to do it, at first he told me because we were too old, which is ridiculous, but then he told me it was because he felt it would be a waste of time. That is when the fight started... apparently he feels that if he is not working towards a degree (which i never said he couldn't, i mean it is up to him and i will support him) then it is useless to take a class. I completely disagree with this. I took a photography class last semester and it had nothing to do with a degree, i am also going to take a philosophy or psychology class this semester because i want to, the subjects interest me. I told jake that it is never useless to take a class on something that interests you, to make you happy, to better yourself, to keep your brain working. But he disagrees... And, to be honest i was completely unfair to Jake because i kind of blew up on him. Earlier today i was telling several co-workers about my plans to take a class this semester and they thought i was crazy too, since i don't plan on getting a degree. So i was already upset about the subject. And both of our families keep telling us that college degrees are so important, when in fact they are not. The only time they are necessary are when they are required (teaching, nursing, etc). I don't understand why everyone thinks that education is just about a degree, it should be about learning. Am i really crazy here??

baptise or baptize??

So i haven't gotten Tyler baptized yet and it seems like a never ending problem with my family, which it should not be. My whole childhood i was forced to go to church. I use the word forced because it is true. I loved going to church and at one point i spent 4 days there a week between all of the activities i was in, but honestly i only went for the socializing and that it got me out of the house. Well when i got a little older i would ask my parents once in a while (like once every 4 or 5 months) if i could stay home from church for various reason, i was sick, too tired ect. and every flippin time they said no. We would literally get into yelling matches about going to church and it was ridiculous. In high school i would have football games on Friday night and band competitions on Saturday and would be exhausted on Sunday morning, the last thing i want to do is get up early and go listen to a boring sermon. I think my parents resistance really changed my views on things as far as church goes. I mean they are great parents, but every parent makes mistakes and i feel like this is one they messed up on. You should never force a child to go to church (especially all of the time) if they don't want to, it is essentially forcing your opinions on someone which pisses people off.

Well my whole family is extremely involved in the church, not just my immediate family but my extended family as well, i have several different pastors in my family and the ones who aren't pastors might as well be. They spend all of there time on committees, doing church activities, ect. Which is fine, but the point of my blog is Tyler's baptism. I am constantly asked about baptising Tyler and i have always put it off and we are having a family reunion next weekend and i just got asked again to have ty baptised there. I decided it was finally time to make a decision, which i think i made a long time ago. I told them i didn't think that Ty should be baptised because of James' religion, he is Catholic. Even though that is not the full reason it is the majority of it and ties in to my thought process on this. I know that during the baptism as a parent you have to agree to be a good parent and raise the kid they best you can (duh) and then you also have to agree to bring them up in the church with the church beliefs. Some people say that that is not what being baptized means, but they have you agree to it, so that is what it means. I do not want to be the parent who says, "hey we are united methodists in this family, so that is what we are teaching you, that is what you will believe." Especially with his dads side of the family being catholic, even though the two religions came from the same idea they are way different. It would be so wrong of me to have him baptized and stand up there and say that i will raise him to be a christian if i don't plan on doing that. When he gets older i actually plan on doing opposite of that, we are going to make sure ty has knowledge about all of the different religions, and let him go to mass, synagogues, temples, etc. Religion is such an important part of who you are and he needs to figure it out by himself and decide what is right for him.

last twilight post for about 400ish days

i want to write about this not because anyone cares but because it is bothering the heck out of me!

James' mom got me tickets to see Eclipse at 9pm before the movie came out and since we had already gotten tickets for the midnight show i got to see Eclipse twice in a row. I was super excited because with New Moon (my least favorite book of the series) i was so excited the first time that i liked it better the second time because i let it sink in and could enjoy it more. Eclipse is really the peak of all of the books it has major conflict, romance, intensity, passion etc so i was really excited to see this film. I felt like the first movie was on a crap budget so it was great but not spectacular, New moon had a crap load of more money in it so it was obviously a step up and i loved it, so i expected Eclipse with all of the awesome book material and all of the money to be the best one yet and that is what everybody was saying it was (all of the reviews and such). So during the movie i found myself watching the movie and getting really excited when a good scene was coming up and then kind of being disappointed afterwords. So i get out of the first show and thought to myself, "hmm something is off but i cant tell what it is, I'm sure after the midnight show i will feel better." But then i saw it again and i was so bored, and this is not because i saw it twice in a row. When we got out of the second showing i thought to myself, "man, i liked the movie of course but i don't know why i am not into it as much as i should be." So i slept on it, and i still couldn't put my finger on it, so the next day i read a bunch of reviews of what other people thought, and everyone loved it. I did not find one bad review (from a fan). But then i had an epiphany! I realized that during new moon my heart was racing, i laughed really hard, and even cried at one point. And during eclipse i only chuckled a little, the only time my heart raced was at the beginning when i was excited, and i never once teared up. I was not emotionally connected to this movie at all and that is the problem. Eclipse (the book) has the most emotion out of all of the books and i don't think there was one time during the movie that i felt a strong emotion, or actually "in" the movie.

I'm going to go again in a couple weeks just to see if maybe i was just in a bad mood or something. And don't get me wrong, the movie was great, it flowed well (the only problem i had with new moon) and they kept in most of the great lines and scenes, they did a good job condensing the book, and they acting improved. But if i just would have had the emotional connection i got with new moon and while reading the books i would be a happy girl. I mean that's the whole reason i like the series because of its ability to make me emotional while reading it. I'm still going to see it 1-3 more times in the theater, im still going to buy 3 copies of the movie, and I'm still going to watch it over and over, but i am just a little disappointed.

Since this is going to be my last post about twilight in 400ish days i am going to get it all out...
We have decided to do something different every year for the movies. Last year we went to the mall tour and got a couple autographs, this year we went to LA to the twilight convention, and with the last book being split in to two movies that means we are going to try and do two other things. We have decided to go to Forks for a vacation, we will probably be mostly in Seattle because Ive always wanted to go there but we'll spend a day or two in forks and la push. And then we decided that we are going to go to one of the premiers, which is really insane, you have to camp out on the sidewalk for 4 days. But it will be totally worth it! If they do another convention thing we are going to go to that again too, it was amazing. I am trying to collect as many autographs as i can and hopefully by the time this whole thing is over (in 2012) i will have everybody, i have 11 now so I'm off to a good start.

Breaking Dawn is my favorite book in the series so it better be freaking good! only 504 more days!! :)

things that are funny...

i had a crappy day at work so i decided i will write a blog about things that i found funny in the last week (that other people probably don't) to see if it will put me in a better mood.

- I was looking through my yearbooks and going through what people wrote in them and i came across one of tori's. She wrote an entire page full of a message and at one point it says, "we've been through so much and yet we are still friends. That must mean something right?...no matter how much we fight we're always going to be friends...have a great summer and remember no sex" I wasn't having sex with anybody when she wrote this so that was stupid. But looking at the dates this was written it got me thinking. She wrote this while she was sleeping with my boyfriend (not that i knew that then)...did she not want me to have sex with him so she could? why would she even put that in my yearbook? And really, we are not friends so i guess it doesn't mean anything that we have "been through a lot." I know it's high school drama and i'm over it but i thought it was really funny.

- My five year old knows more about twilight then i do (well not really). Yesterday ty came running in to my room to tell me that McDonalds had Twilight toys that came with the kids meal. And i had no clue about it! He was wrong and it was Burger King, but seriously i usually know everything that's going on with Twilight and Ty had to tell me about this. So today after school we went to BK and got some cool toys. :)

-Speaking of twilight (i know it is all i write about but the movie comes out in 5 days and then it will be a whole year before the next one) I was laughing at myself when i realized that when i was watching the Eclipse premier online last night i had 4 different windows open at the same time from different broadcasters trying to watch the most interviews at the same time. It went pretty well at first, i would watch one at a time and have the other ones muted then switch but at the end they had Rob on one, Kristen on another, and Taylor on another one! so how do i choose? I didnt, i played all of them at the same time trying to listen to all three interviews at once...Seriously if anyone would have seen me at that time they would have thought i was insane (which maybe i am).

-Its also funny to me how horrible people are at Internet stalking. I don't think i have anything online that is private because i don't have a need to hide anything from anyone (lets face it i am not that interesting). I'm not going to say anything else on the subject except for, again nothing of mine is private if you want to stalk me just go to my facebook, myspace, blog, flickr, etc. you don't have to embarrass yourself by trying to be sneaky just to fail at it.

babies...

do you remember last year when i wanted a baby more then anything in the world? well now i don't. I have completely changed my mind. Well not completely, but let me explain.

I don't think it would be a good idea to have another kid right now, for lots of reasons but two main ones.

1. James and Katie treat Michael and Tyler differently. they treat Michael better and really favor him more, (I'm not imagining this, they have admitted it to me). And it doesn't bother me because really Michael needs more attention since Tori is a horrible mother. But really James and Katie are only together so they can have a family (baby) together. James' whole goal in life is to have a baby with someone he's married to (he's told this to me) and all Katie has wanted her whole life is to be a stay at home mom. So when their baby comes i know that it will be their number one priority. And i know that Tyler will become less important at his house and kind of at the bottom of the totem poll. I want Tyler to feel like he has a stable, loving family who puts him first and values him. I don't want him to come home from james' and have to "compete" with another sibling for our attention. I'm not saying that just because you have more then one kid that one gets treated better then the other, but i know that is already the case with mike and ty and i know with out a doubt that it will be worse when the other baby comes.

2. I want to have some money. We pay daycare 800 dollars a month, and i want that money to travel, save, spend etc. Not to buy more diapers, daycare, formula etc. We have 2 more months of paying for daycare and i do not want to start over again.

But at the same time i also want to have another kid. I know that Jake and i could handle it, i know that ty will be a great big brother and i just in general want another kid. And the hardest part is that i know that Jake is dying for a kid of "his own." I don't know what will happen in the future but right now i think for Tyler we should be here for him and focus on just him for now.

twilight weekend

So we went to the Twilight Convention and it was (as nerdy as it sounds) one of the best weekends of my life, seriously something I will remember forever! We saw 23 of the actors from the movies, and got 7 more autographs to add to my collection (now i have 11 autographs!) The convention was on Fri, Sat, and Sun and on fri and sun there were only about 120 people there, but on Saturday (when the biggest stars were there) it was packed! over 2000 people and it was crazy! It was on several TV shows and even made international news, so it was a pretty big deal. And the best part was that i was just going to buy myself a ticket and go alone but jake wanted to go too, and because of the prices we couldn't afford two, but then the next day they came out with another package with tickets that were 200 dollars less then the one i was going to get so we got the cheaper ones so jake could go too. When we got there i noticed that the row right in front of us had the super expensive tickets so we had basically the same seats as them and paid way less! woot woot!

Of course everyone was there to see Rob, Kristen, & Taylor and when they came out everyone was screaming (of course) and when it died down Rob said something and everyone went crazy yelling again, and he was like, "what did i do?" (um obviously you spoke) It was super funny.

Two things sucked about the trip though:
1: The day after we left they were showing a screening of eclipse that i could have gone too, but had to go to work so we couldn't stay and extra day.
2: I found out that Eminem was handing out tickets to a concert about 2 miles away from us but i found out 20 minutes too late and so we missed him. Which sucks because how amazing would it be to meet eminem and see Rob in the same day! Oh my gosh i could die. but we didnt.

It was super awesome and i hope they do one next year for Breaking Dawn.

sister sister

so last week my sister graduated high school and we had a ton of parties and stuff to go to for her and because of my high school experience. i was prepared to feel sad that i didn't get to walk with my class mates and just in general hate myself for getting pregnant in school but what i didn't think about was how freaking upset i am that my sister is leaving me in a couple months. For the last year or two we have become really good friends i think and it is really upsetting to me that we spent 16 years not really liking each other then finally become friends and she is leaving for 4 years. If i want to go to a chick flick or shopping we always hang out but 2 hours to drive up to NAU is going to be too far to drive just to see a movie.

But i am glad that she is going away to college because she really needs a reality check of what life is about, so it will be good for her.

PS. If anybody is reading this and mentions to my sister this gushy stuff i will kill you... :)

craziest weekend of my life!!

it started on fri, on my last call at work my computer stopped working so i was stuck for a 1/2 an hour longer, which isn't long but it completely through off my day. I was late to James' wedding rehearsal, partly because of work and partly because i am pretty sure i was told the wrong time. But everything was fine and dandy.

The next day was James' wedding. His fiance (Katie) wanted me to basically follow her around all day, which is not what a normal wedding photog. does but oh well. We don't really have the best relationship and so i was really worried it was going to be an awkward day, but she was in a good mood and i wasn't going to ruin it for her so we actually got along the whole day. So we went to breakfast, hair, and make-up, then the wedding of course. I asked one of my friends to be a helper with me because i didn't want to F it up, so she came just for the actual wedding and i am so grateful she did. During the ceremony my camera decided to stop working for no reason (and it is fine now, but luckily Chris let me borrow his as a back up so i was able to use that, when they were cutting the cake the flash batteries died, when Ty was coming down the isle i started to cry (because i am a baby) so i know i didn't get the best shot there. If i didn't have her with help i would have missed those important parts. I knew this stuff was going to happen and i was prepared but seriously they happened at the worst time. The day went really well though and everyone was really thankful. The best part of the wedding though is that as soon as Ty started dancing everyone crowded around him and it was like a YouTube video, he was so funny! he was doing cartwheels, the robot and just a bunch of hilarious dance moves! And the best part is that a lot of people there didn't realize i was his mom so i loved over-hearing everyone say how cute and awesome he was. : ) Also apparently Katie told James' mom that I made her day "incredible" because of our time together, weird. If you want you can look at some pictures here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/30044222@N05/sets/72157623958335331/

On Sunday my sister and i went to the Glee concert! it was amazing! I have never been so excited for a concert since N*sync. Its amazing to see the whole cast of your favorite show live singing your favorite songs! The best part (and you wont get it unless you watch the show) before the show cheerios came around and passed around barf bags! Hilarious!!! We left the show and there was a crowed at the back door, my sister and i laughed at the stupid people who thought they were going to see the cast, so we walk up to the 6th floor of the parking garage and as soon as we get to the car everyone started screaming, of course the cast comes out! Oh well.

I also found out that in June Robert Pattinson (along with the rest of the cast) are appearing at the Twilight convention in LA. They never ever do anything like that and so Jake and i are going! It is really a once in a lifetime chance to see Rob and i am taking it. I am sooooo excited!!!

firends

I have been thinking a lot about friends this month..and have tried to be more aware of who my friends are and who i'm just "facebook friends" with, who i want to keep as a friend for life and who i really dont care to talk to anymore, and what friends i need to keep in better contact with.

I think when you have kids the friends you have who dont have kids dont really understand how your life changes and you kind of have a falling out. I am pretty sure this happens for most people but since it happened to me in high school i think it may have happened more extreme to me. Now that all of my friends are starting to get married and have babies it is happening to them and now they are turning to me for a friendship that hasnt been there in the last 5 years. At first i was excited to have old friends back in my life, but now i feel like they arent true friends because they werent there for me earlier. Why would i want to spend time with someone who only wants to hang out with me now because no one else will hang out with them.

I feel like now that my life has become all about Tyler and Jake i really only want a handful of close friends and then keep the rest as acquaintances. Obviously everyone needs some type of friend support, someone to call when they need to talk, or go shopping with. But i feel like lately i have been wasting my time with fake friendships and i am over it. I would rather spend my time with Ty and jake.


In other news James' wedding is still on...i havent changed my opinion about the situation but there is nothing i can do. But James wanted me to be the photographer so i am going to. I think it will be fun, taking pictures always makes me feel better in any situation so i know it will help me get through the day.

i lied..he could be stooooopider

James is marrying her next month. . .

I just asked him 3 weeks ago what his plans are with her and he said if they get married it will be in a couple of years and now they are getting married next month.

I also found this out from a text i got from her asking if i had any wedding advise, not from him, he is such a coward.

I guess the best thing i can do is be here for him when they get divorced in a year or two.

i cannot believe this...

i have never met anyone so stupid in my entire life!!!!!!!

James got his girlfriend pregnant. . . I am so beyond words i needed to immediately type here in hopes that i will calm down enough so that when i see him in an hour or two i wont say anything.

He hasn't even told me or anybody but his girlfriend posted it on facebook about 30 minutes ago so thats how i found out. I seriously cannot believe him. He has to be the stupidest person on the planet. And the thing is, is that they have been planning it. They have only been back together for 4 months and since that day that is what they have planned. I seriously hate people who think having a baby will fix their relationship, it only makes it worse for them and the kid. Just completely stupid and selfish.

I dont understand why he can just say, "ok in high school i messed up, but lets make my childrens life as easy and normal as possible and settle down." not go knocking up every girl he knows!!!

He cant even afford the two children he has now!And they have the worst relationship ever, so not good for a child to grow up in that environment.

This is just the worst thing he could have ever done. What a moron.

3a21df

My photography class seriously sucks...it is boring! the only thing i like about it is that i get to edit my pictures on photoshop for a while. But i will soon be getting photoshop so then class will be ultra boring.

I am rocking my new job! I am constantly getting compliments from my supervisor, his boss, and people from corporate. It is kind of ridiculous! People are coming to me for help and i feel like every day someone new tells me how awesome i am. : ) it kind of makes me want to try harder so that i can "keep it up" ya know. I even accidentally hung up on someone and our Quality Assurance team happened to be listening to the call and when they sent my evaluation they started with, "yet another great call from beth...she went above and beyond...she did an excellent job...but she accidentally hung up on the customer...She continues to do a great job!" I mean seriously! and everyone else is getting horrible/neutral feedback so its not like they just are positive all of the time. So it makes me feel happy, but pressured.

Ty is a lot happier since he is going to school. I think he would rather not go everyday (mon-fri) but he really enjoys playing with kids his own age and he is better behaved since he is happy. He has also decided that basketball is his favorite sport and (besides him being short) he is really really bad at it! I feel like every person has one or two things that they are really good at and i am just too eager to find his. I think sports-wise it might be track, he loves to run (more then normal 5 year old boys) and he never runs out of energy or gets breathless. Its amazing! I'm excited to see what type of hobbies he will have too, i wonder what he will be good at...

We might have a roommate...We have an extra bedroom downstairs and James' sisters' boyfriend has abusive parents and doesn't have a place to live as of last week. James' parents asked us if we would be willing to let him live with us until he can save up to afford his own place and i think we are going to. He is super nice and works two jobs and is planning to go to school soon so he wont be at the house very often and pretty much besides going upstairs to the kitchen we wont see him. But it is kind of weird because Ive only known him for a couple of months and Jake has never met him but i think i am pretty intuitive and i can tell that he is a good kid so i know that Ty will be safe. And Ty knows him too and likes him so that is good, and its only for a little bit. But i think it would be the nice thing to do, he literally has nowhere to live and we have an extra room, why not?

blog titles suck

Hello blog!

I am so excited about my job, I've been here a week an a half and its really awesome. It's with First American and over 7200 people applied for my position and i was one (out of 34) people who got it! And i am the youngest one by fffaaarrr here. I rock! And it is right down the street from our house! The only thing that sucks is that it is a full time job which means ty is in daycare, but he is having so much fun. I am really really grateful that for the last year i was able to spend time with him, and i think he is grateful too.

We had a trip to Disneyland scheduled for next month but i am not allowed to take vacation for another month so we are going to postpone it until September, which is fine. But we havent been to a disney park in two years!! It is extremely ridiculous! That is way too long! But at least we are able to change our reservations. The last year has been ridiculous over-all but we have learned so much!

- The most important thing is that family is way more important then any job you have. Working a part time job was an amazing decision. Spending more time with Tyler was invaluable.

- How to save. Part time job came with part time money. Even though we ended up living with parents for most of the time we still had to control our money a lot closer. We had to make sure we had money for our down payment on the house (which sucks because we are really bad at saving) and we had to constantly pay for inspections and such for our many houses that fell through.

-Even though things really really suck, i always have jake and ty to make me happy and they are there to remind me that we can get through anything we need to as long as we are together.

- be grateful for the material things you have, because they could be sitting in a storage unit for 7 months.

a year is not really that long in a lifetime and i am so grateful that we had an opportunity to overcome challenges and learn things along the way. And now we have this amazing house that i am so in love with. And we are all very very happy!

In order to keep pushing myself to save our money (because it is really me who spends all of it) jake and i decided that if we keep continuing to contribute to our savings and also save up for a vacation we will go to New York next year! I am in love with NY, i want to live there more then anything. If james wasnt in ty's life i know that we would live there, maybe i will convince ty to go to NYU so we can move there in 13 years (yikes!). The reason why i dont want to take ty is really kind of selfish, and not like me. But because jake and i never got to officially date before ty i feel like there are parts of me that i havent gotten to share with Jake. There are really only 4 or 5 major things that i want to share with him that i want to be just me and him experiencing together like people do when they are dating. One is disneyland and we went to disneyland once without ty (i know, i'm a horrible mom) but ty has since been to disneyland and disneyworld. Broadway is also another part, which is easy because of the shows that come in town in Tempe, so jake has been to several of those. Music is another one, hard to experience but we were in band together so we've got that covered. And the last thing on my list that i am really passionate about that is a big part of me, even though i dont live there is New York. I feel like i am meant to be there and i want to share the passion i have for that city with jake and share everything with him. It is kind of hard to explain unless you are me, its hard to completely share who you are and get to know your partner when you are dating and you have a kid, its probably why people say you should wait until you get married, but i have no regrets. So we are going to NY for 4-5 days and then when ty is a little older we will take him, because i want him to experience it too.

Another thing that since ty is going to go to school in Aug. i feel like i now have time to go to school myself. I am not going to do more then two classes at a time and i am not going for any type of degree but i really enjoy college and i love learning new things. So after my photography class i am going to sign up for a summer class (if i can) maybe an online class and def. a fall class. I am really excited to take some psychology classes that i have been dying to take for years and some philosophy classes. It makes me feel better about myself to have my brain working at something once or twice a week. lol.
That is all...

happy happy

The last couple weeks have been crazy, non stop (isn't life always like that). Jake is working so hard since i am not working right now, so i am the one who is putting together our house, which is the way i want it anyways. But i also have ty and am babysitting a one year old, so its crazy, but fun. I am in LOVE with our house, it is beyond perfect, and way worth the wait and crap we went through to get it. It fits our style and is just amazing. I dont think a lot of people would prefer to live in a 3 story condo but, it is perfect for us. Living without 90% of our stuff for 6 months made us realize that we dont need 1/2 of the stuff we own. So we have been giving away a ton of stuff, and it feels soooooo nice to get rid of stuff i've had since high school that i will never use again. Our house looks a lot better too without all of the crap too.

i got offered a job today, it was one i wanted to get so that is good. But it is a full time job, so that means ty needs to go back to daycare until aug, when school starts but i've been at home with him for almost a year so i am ok with it. And hopefully i can get a schedule in the morning so that i can pick him up from school like i want to.

Not living at our own place has made me slack off on my photography, which has bummed me out, but i felt like i couldnt do what i wanted in someone's house. So now that we are here i am going at it full swing, i bought a new lens (a cheap one because right now i dont have money for what i want) and we are buying a better computer and photoshop within the next month or two so that will be good. I feel like i am getting better, but i freaking need to work a lot more to be where i want. I dont think i've ever been naturally good at anything and i think that i have an eye for photography so i really want to run with it and learn as much as i can. I am taking a photography class at PVCC and it is a joke. i would have dropped it but i missed the date to do that. I already know everything the teacher is teaching and he doesnt really critique our pictures he only wants to see the bad ones so he can show us how to fix them, but i already know how to fix my pictures. And i already know all of the technical things too that we are learning. But if anything i get a dedicated time to photoshop my pictures every week. And we do have weekly assignments so it is forcing me to take pictures of things i hate. The first week was a self portrait and i absolutely hate those, it's harder then people think, especially if you are trying to be creative (which i usually try to be). So i got this...

I dont think it is that great but it was way better then anyone's in the class (that i saw), so that made me feel better. Next week is landscape, which is my other thing that i hate!!! After that everything else should be easy though (i hope).

To celebrate everything in life in the last couple weeks we are going up to flagstaff this weekend so that will be really fun. Ty has been begging to go and see the snow, he keeps wearing his snow jacket around the house!

i'm not saying i'm the best parent in the world but...

i think our world would have way less problems if people were good parents and weren't so self absorbed in their own life. when i had Tyler it wasnt the ideal situation, but when i first laid eyes on him i knew that it wasn't about me anymore and it was hard to adjust at first because your whole life all you know is you. But i did realize pretty quickly that, i would much rather spend my time with Ty then anyone else in the world and nothing else mattered. A lot of people i know (young and old) dont agree and would rather go hang out with their friends and leave their children with someone else. I guess the main person who does this is James, on his weekends he will go out with his friends and leave tyler and michael to spend 1/2 of the day, the whole night, and the next day at his parents. He has 6+ nights a month to go out without the kids and he does, but he continues to do it when he does have the kids and doesnt see a problem with it. I call him sometimes to see if i can pick up ty early and he tells me he ran to the store or somewhere and the kids are at home with his girlfriend. I dont understand why this has to happen either, when i need to run to the store i either take tyler, or ask jake to go. I just called James now to see when he is coming to pick up ty and he said he needs to wait for his girlfriend to get home so he doesnt have to take mike. I asked him why he didnt want to take him and he said, "i dont want to." Why is it so hard to take him? He is 5, he gets dressed by himself, gets in his car seat by himself and that's really all he has to do, just sit in the car.
I am also babysitting for my friend while i find a job and her boyfriend got fired and doesnt have a job but is still having me watch her while he cleans the house, gets his car fixed, and runs errands (all coming from him). He also never once has said bye to his kid, and everyday he says he will pick her up early and he never has. (its been 3 weeks of this)
I just do not understand this mentality that a child is too annoying to do everyday things that people do all the time with children. James asks me all the time if i ever need a break and need to be social. I tell him that he has Ty every-other weekend and on wed. nights for dinner, that is like 10 nights a month!!! And in my opinion it is wwwaaaayyyy too much! I hate that tyler is away from me that much, i would rather Ty only go over to james' once or twice a month. If i want to do something with friends i wait until those days, and if they want to do something on a different day when i have tyler, i pretty much say no, unless its a special occasion. I dont think he understands how incredibly lucky he is to have as many days as he does with out his kids, most parents dont get to go out ever, and for him to be complaining is completely ridiculous.

PS. I also dont understand when people call their children bad words, not like cuss words but like 'brat' or 'bad' If you dont like the way you raised your kids you should change something about it, not call them names, it's not their fault they act the way they do, its yours.

PSS. I also dont understand why some parents refuse to read any type of parenting book, or website or anything. I know several parents who think that their motherly instincts will just kick in and they will know how to take care of their kid, umm no, you wont. You will not know that its incredibly important for you child to be on a schedule and the reason why your baby is crying is because you dont have a bedtime routine, or that around one they should stop drinking out of a bottle because it will mess up their teeth. You are dumb for thinking you can just know everything.

My life can now resume

I haven't written in a while because i was starting to feel like this blog was a jinx. Every time i wrote something about the house something would go wrong the next day. . .

But we finally got the keys to our condo and everything is over! Thank God! In between now and my last blog the following things happened:

- a pipe burst in Jake's parents house and black mold got everywhere, therefore we moved into my parents house..ugh. we have slept on an air mattress for the last month.
- we picked out a school for tyler to go to. I am really excited about it, I'm so glad that we live in a world where i can pick what school he goes to based on test scores and stuff. James wants Ty and Mike to go to the same school and Mike needs to go the same school as his cousin (same age) so we looked like a bunch of hillbillies coming to the school for three 5 year olds all connected in a weird way.
-The company i work for decided to file bankruptcy and called us at 6am to tell us the company no longer exists, not to come in to work, and that we aren't getting paid for the last two weeks we worked. That was awesome. Luckily Jake makes way more money then i did so its not a huge deal and i already have 3 interviews lined up : )
- Ty turned 5! He is a full blown kid now, not a baby or a toddler or any of that, i feel so old. He had so much fun getting presents (of course). I got him a MP3 player because he kept taking mine, it was his favorite gift and he plays it all of the time. : ) I like getting him things he likes.
-I signed up for a digital photography class at PVCC, it starts on Monday and i am excited about it. I have learned most of the photography from groups on-line and i have learned a lot but i want some people contact.

I think that is it. I can't wait to get into the condo so i can put up pictures! And not live with anyone else. This whole thing was really horrible and i am glad it is over!